My heart is here...where I see a woman and her family heeding the call of the Lord, and where I see passion for living a life that will actually mean something in the end.
My heart is here...where story after story I read hurts me. As I see the faces of my precious girls, realizing they are the faces of abortion. Where I know, I just know the Holy Spirit is leading me to do something. Stop being just a Christian housewife, but a passionate, radical Christian filled by the Spirit who lives a life that will actually mean something in the end.
My heart is here...wondering if I am missing the call. The call to pack up and leave this life of physical comforts. Luckily as a sumissive wife, I won't be leaving without my husband. He has not received any sort of call. So my question to myself is, what can I do here? Here in my city to make a difference that will actually mean something in the end?
I am tired of caring about house paint, cute shoes, flattering shirts, how to de-clutter my closets because I have more crap in them than I should. I am tired of wanting stuff. Because the truth is, I do. I want nice vacations, I want cute clothes, I want blond hair dang it!
But sometimes, when it's Thursday and I swear it was just Thursday yesterday, I realize life is going too fast for me. Too fast to keep being wrapped up in this comfortable life of 2.5 kids and a dog and a house and a couple cars. (By the .5 I don't mean we have half of a kid somewhere, I am not pregnant nor do we have an adoption in the works (although we might, who knows what the Lord has planned) I am merely stating a statistic).
I was in the backyard today enjoying the relative heat wave of 50 degrees staring at the back of our house, mentally remodling our garage into a master suite. We have a 4 car garage, which 2 of the spots just attract junk, so by getting rid of the space, we would be getting rid of the junk. Anyway, a master suite downstairs so that as our family opens ourselves up to more and more children, we can just store them all upstairs together. Because I want a hundred kids. And I want to foster some too (Matt doesn't really know that, don't tell). Well, I guess really I want as many kids and we can emotionally and spiritually invest in. I don't know how many that is. I'm thinking more and more that it's more in the range of 4, maybe 5, maybe even 6. We might end up shoeless and eating bread and rice. Because really, I want to take as many kids to heaven with me as I can.
My heart is moving somewhere and somehow and I'm not going to squash it. I'm going to listen and figure out how to live a Spirit filled life.
Also, I just painted my toenails.
In the meantime, my heart is here...where I wipe noses and butts. I kiss owies and administer time outs. I trust the Lord has many more noses and butts to wipe and I hope none of them are Matt.
9 comments:
ugh...such a great post, and convicting. especially on a day where i could barely barely handle the 3 i have. i met a lady a few days ago with 7 adopted kids-can't wait to see what God does for your family!
Very in the "here's" with you!
Powerful thoughts you are thinking. I like them. And about the speed of life - right on! Praying for you and yours!
Great post Abby. I spent over an hour looking through the links and crying my eyes out. Love to you and the fam.
awesome post! your "calling" in life reminds me a lot of my high school friend, wendy. she is currently in the waiting process for two babies from ethiopia. you might like reading some of the posts on her blog at http://itcouldnotbebetter.blogspot.com/ thanks for sharing your heart with us!
Touching... I'm amazed at you and you inspire me. Your spirit, your pure heart and pure love you have for your family. Can't wait to meet you some day. :)
Convicting, funny, and totally relateable! It is hard to serve when we have little ones tagging behind us. Maybe some of us girls could trade babysitting so that we could jointly get involved in a soup kitchen or volunteering at the Hope Center or something!?!?! Just a thought. Good to see you at the grocery again!
PS, Ultimately you will find your serving niche eventually. God will put it in your path and there will be no doubt about where you are supposed to be serving. Glad you are LOOKING for it though. If you aren't looking, you may not notice it when it comes.
Great post...I am overwhelmed with "stuff" and I understand how wrong that is. Seriously? There are people with NOTHING and my "stuff" makes me unhappy. So wrong.
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