I am so failing on taking pictures of my kids. I don't think I've gone 10 entire days without taking pics since Hannah was born. Thanks for staying with me then, since apparently all I've been doing is talking at you. So here you go, far far away family members and loved ones. My precious girls.....
The above pictures are two of the things my girls love the most. Liv emptying my towel drawer (I remember Hannah loving that too, sniff) and playing in the sink.
We have had some hard days lately. Ok, I'll be honest, really just with Olivia. She was sick last week, and last night I asking friends why would she still be so crabby if she just finished a round of antibiotics, it couldn't be an ear infection could it? They reminded me that she might be teething (oh yeah, forgot about that) so she has spent many a day weeping at my feet. She is still coughing and is still doing breathing treatments. Because of the teeth (I think), she has been falling all over the place hitting her head and chin on various surfaces causing fresh new tears.
She is also a cryer when she doesn't get her way ( normal, I know). But she is far more tenacious and into things than Hannah was at this age so she doesn't get her way an awful lot (Hannah never opened the toilet and played in the water and then was very upset when I took her away. Maybe I was better with disciplining Hannah, I don't know). She spends meals crying because she has to eat food she doesn't like (crazy things like pb sandwhiches or cheese).
I spend my days praying that I still treasure these days because I know they are going fast. I don't want to feel frustrated because I feel like I have a short fuse with the tears. Which I shouldn't. I should be more patient. I love my kids so much that I feel like a failure when I experience frustration with them.
Combine all that with a sweet 2 year old still testing her boundaries (although cracking me up every minute with hilarity), and the still cold days of March and I begin to feel like a big old grump.
I know I don't need to say this, but I feel like I have to. As an adoptive mom, as an infertile woman, I feel like it's completely unfair for me to complain about my kids. Please know that I am not complaining. In fact, after I publish this, I may change my mind and edit all this out. I love my children far more than I ever thought I could love and I would certainly lay down my life for them. I know the Lord is showing me His patience with me by teaching me to be patient with Olivia. I just pray that I learn it really soon.
6 comments:
abby, i love reading your blog because it's honest. as someone who struggled with infertility too -- i can relate to those feelings of frustration, second-guessing & guilt. heck, this week my mom took josh for an overnight and i almost didn't want him back (the break was so nice)! do i feel guilty about feeling that way? sure. but it's the truth. just hang in there, my friend -- our days of utter exhaustion will be over soon as our kids hurdle quickly into school-years. i just keep reminding myself daily (sometimes multiple times a day) - my reaction to the tiring, relentless work is being watched and studied. if i fly off the handle, i'm teaching my kids how to deal with life. at the same time, it's good for them to see me on my knees, begging for help sometimes. or am i begging for mercy? i don't know - now you got me thinkin... ;)
the funny thing is I feel like having been blessed with kids I have no right to complain either because there are so many who want them. i think we are all moms and humans and God loving girls who despite our lovely hearts get really annoyed at crying and whining all the time. i think that's normal. :) you are such a great mom and i usually read your blog and feel like i need to step it up a notch. :) reese has been getting molars for like the last 6 months i feel like. i can't get anything done and our house is still in shambles! but-your point is good. it goes fast. maybe just send a shout out for patience for me, too. :)
Love Hannah's hair and love how cute Olivia looks standing next to the towel drawer.
I think there's a bit of an unspoken mom code that makes it totally okay to complain about our kids because we ALL know. We've ALL been there. And we ALL treasure our kids and think we're being horrible for complaining but for some reason can't not complain because being a mom is HARD HARD HORRIBLY HARD work. Wonderful, fulfilling, beautiful, blessed, God-given work. But work, nonetheless. You, my friend, are a very patient and wonderful mother. We know it, and your kids know it. It's okay to let it out once in a while. :)
once again i am very impressed by your hair skills these days!
So glad to know that someone else is experiencing the same frustrations and challenges raising babies! You're doing a great job...keep it up!
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