My heart has been a little heavy lately. There's been some news in this town that was quite devastating for a whole lot of people. Of course that's been on my mind and heart.
Then, and I want to say this in the least weird way possible, I was (yet again) reminded of our birth mothers and their pain.
I saw some things and I literally groaned out loud. For how much they must hurt.
The thing is, I wish there was no need for adoption. I really really wish mothers could keep their babies (at the same time, I wish all women could get pregnant.).
I'm grateful the Lord has orchestrated my life like this, that He has given me a passion for adoption. But sometimes, it seems too overwhelming. Overwhelming that my children are a different race. That I have to deal with things that most parents don't. That I truly do not know what lies ahead. Overwhelming that there are other parents that want my children.
I wish I could let their birthparents know how much their children are loved, taken care of, spoiled (by grandparents) and taught the love of Christ. But, how much does that comfort?
Is it similar to the death of a loved one? If Matt would die, he would be in heaven, but I would miss him horribly here. So when someone would say to me, "At least he's in heaven" it would bring me some comfort, but he wouldn't be here with me.
Even if they knew how much their daughters are loved and taken care of, it may bring them some comfort, but they aren't together.
Sometimes I question whether I can really do this. I'm not equipped. I'm not mature. I'm not good.
Death...adoption, both a result of the fall.
Good thing we have hope.*
*If you've read my blog for any length of time, you should know the hope I have. If you don't and are curious, please email me.
7 comments:
Maybe you are talking about Austin hatch? So awful on so many levels. That straight hair is beautiful...but the other way is too. Guess its just the girl :) praying for you-you have lots on your plate that most of us never get to taste. (or have to) love your tender heart.
Yes, that is who I was talking about. I guess you are from Michigan...
As a transracially adopted child, I appreciate your realness....I don't follow too many adoption blogs because they make me want to throw up (sorry to be so blunt). I enjoyed this post. Not too many AP's want to talk about the real things of adoption; to admit that for adoption to exist, families must be broken. Adoption is not, and can never be, a best case scenario. It relies upon the worst-case scenario having already come to fruition. Adoption is not all about saving a child, love, happines....blah blah blah. There is a dark side. There is pain. Of course, I could go on and on...but getting to the point...Kudos for having an open mind. Your children will benefit. As a side note....you have 2 very beautiful little girls!!!
@Darcy,
Oh my goodness thank you for your comment! That was so sweet of you. I would love to talk to you more. Can you email me? I would really really like to speak with a transracially adopted adult. Actually any adopted adult. Are you comfortable with this? If not I completely understand.
Abby, I really admire the honesty and beauty with which you write about your daughters, their birth parents, and their adoptions. Even though I can't relate to your experiences, I love reading about them. Your girls are so blessed to have a mom who sees the big picture, who doesn't shy away from the hard truths that led them to your family. They will be thankful for that one day, I'm certain.
i guess you and i are in deep moments these days :) but from all these thoughts we grow and become stronger. and i ache at the thought of jeff ever going to heaven before me....which brings me to something very deep i need to email you about. i will try to do it tomorrow.
Thank God for his grace and His sovereignty... that none of these children are out of His sight or his watchcare. You might be the first bit of Jesus these birth moms have ever seen.
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