Unfortunately it only lasted three nights. The picture was the first attempt at napping them together, which lasted about 1/2 hour.
Later last week (Wednesday, maybe?) Olivia made it perfectly clear (yet still without speaking, it's amazing), that she was done sleeping in Hannah's room.
We've tried it most nights since then but Olivia will have none of it. It made Hannah sad at first but we didn't make it a big deal so she got over it quickly.
We are still going to get them in the same room at some point, but since we don't have a reason to, and we really don't have to push it, we won't.
I don't know if it was the new room, the big girl bed, both, neither, whatever. What I do know, is Olivia did great for three nights and then she was over it. So I'm proud of them for trying it and Olivia's transition to a big girl bed. I think once we need to (and that will only be when/if there is a fourth child, and only after s/he is in the pack n play for a while, assuming our girls aren't 15 by the time we adopt a fourth), it won't be a big deal.
I talked way too much about that.
So, Olivia. I don't know what's up, but she is certainly.....interesting lately. Her naps are crappy, she is crying a lot and she is into her mama.
I think I remember Hannah kind of transitioning into a more independent person at this age, but somehow unable to handle and/or communicate her own opinions and overall, just acting like a frustrated person.
So that's been fun.
Hannah saw her first movie in the theatre yesterday! We had quite a morning planned of dance class, Chick Fil A and movie. Unfortunately, dance class was cancelled b/c of snow (and I am so excited for her to start!).
Anyway, we saw Beauty and the Beast 3D and she did such a great job sitting still and wearing the glasses. It was too cute. It was only because she doesn't weigh enough that she eventually had to sit in my lap. Her seat kept folding up on her.
Then after the movie, not to miss a teachable moment, we talked about being as pretty on the inside as we are on the outside:)
We've decided in our house to do our kid's birthdays up pretty big. Matt and I grew up in households where birthdays were somewhat low key. Which is great and we are certainly not damaged from that (I don't think).
But I had a patient tell me that her adopted daughter, who is currently 25, still cries on her birthday.
Not that we are going to be able to prevent that, in fact, that's probably healthy (who knows). But we want to make sure our children know that the day they were born is a cause for celebration.
So I guess we have birthweeks in our house, not just birthdays. Yipee!!
1 comment:
Let me explain the tears in the best way possible. (I am hoping it is not because this 25 year old is just spoiled, otherwise, forget this post). I get it. I have tears for every holiday, for my birthday, for a lot of reasons.
In the American culture, the vocabulary used to define and describe family is loaded with connotations. Stop for a moment and think of what the word family means to you. Look at the word parent, and pull it apart to all the ways it has been applied in your life. Now mother. At the most fundamental level, what is a mother?
Most adults I know cannot pull apart the concepts of parental love and biological kinship. I mean this from the child's perspective - many adults I know have not experienced love and biology as mutually exclusive concepts and are therefore deeply ingrained to connect one to the other. This is not a shortcoming of any person - it is just the way that our brains are able to make sense of the world. To those who were raised by their biological parents, they do not even understand that "parent" carries both definitions - the roles and actions of a person who nurtures, loves, and parents a child vs. the spiritual and almost instinctive way that the parent is linked to the child. One might understand this at an academic level, but there are implications on a deeply personal and emotional level that cannot be understood until the two concepts are cleaved apart.
How can you explain the parents who stand by their children who have committed murder, rape, or worse? What causes us to forgive family members who have deeply wronged us, when we could never forgive a person outside of our biological circle? Why do we place our own biological family, in most cases, in greater personal importance than any other person on earth? It is normal and human to have a strong bias to one's own blood.
In parenting my own children, I observe the joy they take from having physical similarities. I sense the confidence they gain from knowing that their parents are uniquely and biologically theirs. They have a sense of roots, history and permanence in knowing that they were born into their perfect place in the world.
For children whose biological narrative is broken, they lack those experiences that most people don't even realize they are experiencing. I will not speak for all adopted people, but I will speak for myself. As I child I saw no faces like my own, and lacked that simple joy of physical validation. I understood at a fundamental level that I was not unique - I was any child from any orphanage, and if I hadn't been placed with this family then another child would have. I had no sense of personal family history - I felt my story began the day my airplane landed in the US, and that I had no roots. Birthdays, holidays -- I am reminded of the loss; it is great. Words hardly justify. I am well adjusted, and I had a wonderful childhood (for those of you who do not know me). I love my life, past and present. But the loss is great. And sometimes, only tears will do.
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