Emiline Mae, continued.....

No pictures yet, you'll have to bear with me first. We just got home from the hospital yesterday and I haven't taken the time to upload pictures. Hopefully while I am obeying dr's orders to rest, I will get around to taking and uploading lots and lots of pictures.
So let's review, I was given meds to dilate, meds to induce, meds to sleep, meds to get a baby cut out of me and finally, meds to recover. How's that for a natural delivery?
When I first arrived at the hospital and Dr Wheeler (the dr on call) checked me, he stripped my membranes and was very encouraging that I would need one dose of prostin and we would get the birthing process started. He said very confidently, "We'll have a baby by tomorrow afternoon." He was right, but not in the way either of us thought!
I still remember the surprised and discouraged look on his face every time the prostin suppository didn't work, which was so discouraging to me.
As I look back on that night, I can say fairly confidently that it was pure misery. Details that don't need explained furthered the whole miserable experience.
I must be one of those women who just don't dilate. The nurses said they call women like me "a fortress." I would love to take that as a compliment!
I spent my entire pregnancy as active as I could possibly be. I went running last Saturday. At 38 weeks. I spent all last week walking at the zoo, walking at the park, taking late night walks, and in general, trying to be active enough to start the labor process. I used evening primrose oil (look it up so I don't have to explain it) since 36 weeks. I did other appropriate activities to start labor... :)
My point is I was doing my best to control what I could control in order to have a successful natural childbirth.
I'm always grateful when my plans I worked so hard for end up turning completely upside down because I like being reminded I am not in control. A c section never ever crossed my mind.
So while I can say I am sad that I don't really remember much of it, I didn't get to see my 3rd baby enter the world, I am on video saying and doing things I have no memory of, and now I have a huge incision with staples (over an old scar) on my abdomen, I can say I can truly see God's grace. First and foremost the health of Emi. My dr stopped by before I was discharged and mentioned there was, indeed, a problem with my placenta. It was probably a one time thing and won't happen again. I am so grateful Emi and I are healthy and here. She is small (she currently weighs 5lbs 14ozs), but healthy. And I am so grateful she and I have caught on to breastfeeding so I know she is not going to have a problem growing.
Secondly, and this will be hard to describe to anyone who hasn't adopted, but Matt and I both felt an instantaneous measure of love and nurture for both Hannah and Olivia that we are both sure is straight from the Lord. Not that I fell in love right away, but we both felt that while they were little strangers to us, they were completely ours and we knew them right away.
For some reason Emi has felt like a complete stranger to me, like she really wasn't my child. I stared at her and thought, "who in the world is this kid?" Maybe it was the hormones or the surgery, but I felt like I just stared at her and didn't have a clue who she was. I needed the extra two days in the hospital to bond with her. I needed those days to be with just her, to learn to breastfeed, to learn what her face looks like, to learn what her cries sound like. I feel like that extra time with just her and me was exactly what I needed with just her that I otherwise wouldn't have gotten if I had been able to go home right away.
Isn't God good?
Pictures to come. Promise.