Stretched. Literally and figuratively.
Last spring and summer I spent a few sessions with the women's physical therapist at the clinic where I work, and she worked on the internal and external scarring in my abdomen. It hurt. So much so that I only let her do two sessions and I wouldn't let her touch me again. I was ok with the scarring. I was alive and my insides were working just fine. And I was very satisfied with adding to our family through adoption.
No, I don't think that contributed to conceiving.
But my point is, I am so uncomfortable already. This might be normal (someone tell me it is??), I have no idea. But what I do know, is I have a long way to go and I already feel so many weird stretching pains throughout my abdominal cavity and even into my kidneys. I just hope the pregancy hormones kick in enough to relax all the scarring and nothing starts getting crazy in there to endanger my, or the baby's, health.
I'm not complaining, I'm just kind of worried. And maybe a little wacko. So whatever.
The second trimester has been a welcome relief from the dark fog that was November and December. Not only was our whole family passing around illness after illness, but I just felt off. I've mentioned that before. I had no idea how much my attitude towards my husband and children relied on me being productive, energetic, disciplined and in shape. Yes, I am that vain, I said in shape. I won't lie, I got grumpy when the house was a disaster and I felt bloated and chubby and I just wanted to go to bed.
That was humbling. Just when I had it all together, it all fell apart because I didn't "feel right." That's how selfish I can be.
I'm grateful God is still my God and sees me through these sins of mine. I'm so grateful I have forgiving husband and children.
I've been snappy, impatient and grouchy. I've been praying that God would replace those attributes with gentleness, kindness and grace.
Neither girl napped today, so I finally picked them both up and rocked them to sleep holding them. It was just what I needed to get out of my parenting funk and appreciate the awesomeness that is my children.
I've been uncomfortable physically and uncomfortable emotionally, but I know God is using both to make me a better mom and wife.
1 comment:
Hey Abby! I haven't been blogging nor checking blogs very often lately... I just read your most recent post. I think parenting in general stretches you in so many ways as a person. Pregnancy is just another stretch and then it invades your physical appearance and for ANY woman, I think that can be difficult. I have no idea on the pains, but keep talking with your OB. I loved your post b/c I hear you... I relate. Praying for you as you take on this next baby -- b/t Tessa and Myles I feel like I have twins and I struggle daily to not complain about not getting done what I want done!! The Lord def uses children to expose our own sinfulness... which in turn, if we're paying attention, can help us to have so much more grace with our own children's sin. Love to you all!
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